I have to admit, I am very insecure. I still don't know these ladies very well, and I'm still wondering if I fit in with them. Julie intimidates me; she's so cool. I feel like a crazy-right-winged-conservative-overprotected-home-schooled-dork around her. And I wonder: do I have anything to offer this group? Yet here we are at Julie's amazing old house (the house my house wishes it could have grown up to be) and she didn't even read the book! She's not the only one. This is groundbreaking for me, and I am learning about the option to opt out. To pass up a selection if life is just not lining up in reading's favor, or if the book keeps flying out of your hands and hitting the wall. Like any beautiful thing, a book group has flexibility in it's definition. And the diversity in these women continues to surprise and delight me! They think and live diversely and yet they appreciate and love one other... and me. [What?!] I am not judged; I belong here, we all do. We are community. And this is one of the reasons I am here. I have rat-raced in narrow-minded christianese circles for far too long.
It is Thanksgiving week and only half of our group is here. I was surprised that I seemed to be the only one who liked this book, until Febe arrived at least; Cosmicomics was her pick. And herein lies more of my sad insecurities. I was happy to tell Febe that I enjoyed her selection; I [codependently] wanted to save her from the disappointment she'd had about us and Madame Bovary. However, she heard what I hadn't intended on saying, as I used the term forced to describe my opportunity to read, comprehend and enjoy this book. I enjoyed the challenge. I'm always looking for opportunities for my thinking to be challenged, to see things from a different perspective and to experience different literary genres. But let's admit it: I didn't eat it up. It was not the most gripping of stories to me. And I didn't get very far. However, I don't have to be ecstatic over every book; I am here to be stretched, forced, if you will, out of the box.
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I am now going to jump ahead in time and look back retrospectively.
Oh my goodness. Febe's writing about Cosmicomics (read at January's meeting) is so eloquent and beautiful. I am so uninspired and drab. We toasted (at December's meeting) to Not Saying We Are Stupid, so I can't say that. But, I feel like I have so far to go as a writer! I don't know...oh, SO many things! I think everyone in that group is more educated and perhaps more life-experienced than myself. Why am I in this group, why did they let me in?!
It's not that I have no experience whatsoever, nothing to contribute. There are some things I could say a lot about. And this is the particular thing about this group: everyone counts. There is no prerequisite. There is this odd flexibility and lack of judgmentalism that is so unlike my home planet. You can bring whichever snack...or not. Read it or throw it across the room. Be college or street-schooled. Be an entrepreneur or a stay-at-home-mom. Like it, don't like it. Bike or drive (although the biking affinity here is strong...but still, there is no pressure!)
[With this in mind, this collaborative writing idea is even more fascinating. What is each one of us here to get out of this group? How and what will we write? I think I am going to get more than bookshelf inspiration.]
There are some things I could say a lot about, and this is why I think I need to be sharing my story. Writing more. Perhaps in different forums...but getting it down. Today (1.27.10) I went to the Art Museum with the 5th grade, to visit the Native American Exhibit. One of the first things the docent told us was the reason these Native Americans made so much art, establishing traditions and nurturing their culture was because they didn't have to worry about food, provisions, or war. It was a time of peace and plenty.
Not so for me. This is a time of war, in our world and in our personal lives. We do struggle for food and provisions, and my own creativity is put into solving those problems and surviving. My art and writing fall to the wayside, to be picked up again in our time of peace and plenty...
It is Thanksgiving week and only half of our group is here. I was surprised that I seemed to be the only one who liked this book, until Febe arrived at least; Cosmicomics was her pick. And herein lies more of my sad insecurities. I was happy to tell Febe that I enjoyed her selection; I [codependently] wanted to save her from the disappointment she'd had about us and Madame Bovary. However, she heard what I hadn't intended on saying, as I used the term forced to describe my opportunity to read, comprehend and enjoy this book. I enjoyed the challenge. I'm always looking for opportunities for my thinking to be challenged, to see things from a different perspective and to experience different literary genres. But let's admit it: I didn't eat it up. It was not the most gripping of stories to me. And I didn't get very far. However, I don't have to be ecstatic over every book; I am here to be stretched, forced, if you will, out of the box.
-------
I am now going to jump ahead in time and look back retrospectively.
Oh my goodness. Febe's writing about Cosmicomics (read at January's meeting) is so eloquent and beautiful. I am so uninspired and drab. We toasted (at December's meeting) to Not Saying We Are Stupid, so I can't say that. But, I feel like I have so far to go as a writer! I don't know...oh, SO many things! I think everyone in that group is more educated and perhaps more life-experienced than myself. Why am I in this group, why did they let me in?!
It's not that I have no experience whatsoever, nothing to contribute. There are some things I could say a lot about. And this is the particular thing about this group: everyone counts. There is no prerequisite. There is this odd flexibility and lack of judgmentalism that is so unlike my home planet. You can bring whichever snack...or not. Read it or throw it across the room. Be college or street-schooled. Be an entrepreneur or a stay-at-home-mom. Like it, don't like it. Bike or drive (although the biking affinity here is strong...but still, there is no pressure!)
[With this in mind, this collaborative writing idea is even more fascinating. What is each one of us here to get out of this group? How and what will we write? I think I am going to get more than bookshelf inspiration.]
There are some things I could say a lot about, and this is why I think I need to be sharing my story. Writing more. Perhaps in different forums...but getting it down. Today (1.27.10) I went to the Art Museum with the 5th grade, to visit the Native American Exhibit. One of the first things the docent told us was the reason these Native Americans made so much art, establishing traditions and nurturing their culture was because they didn't have to worry about food, provisions, or war. It was a time of peace and plenty.
Not so for me. This is a time of war, in our world and in our personal lives. We do struggle for food and provisions, and my own creativity is put into solving those problems and surviving. My art and writing fall to the wayside, to be picked up again in our time of peace and plenty...
